Halloween Horror

What? You don't know my stance on horror movies? Well, allow me to jog your memory.
It's fair to say I'm not the biggest fan of horror films. At worst, there's a strange kind of celebration of violence that sickens me to my stomach. At best, they're just really really shitty films.

That being said, I'm a big fan of IMAX All-Nighters, having previously won tickets to watch every Saw film ever made, back to back, at the IMAX

I didn't make it through that particular marathon, and I think a big part of that problem was the utter contempt for variety of plot, character, or production displayed by the Saw gang. There's only so much psuedo-morality dressed up in massive, life-threatening traps that you can handle in one sitting.

With that in mind, when Laura suggested we give the whole All-Nighter thing another go this Halloween, I jumped at the chance.

So, next weekend at 11:30pm, I'll be sitting down to this smórgasbord of horrific treats.

• The Hole 3D - this is about some kids who find a scary hole. Total Film described it as a "children's horror" or somesuch, so I expect it to be a jolly romp with very little/no peril whatsoever.

• Piranha 3D - if you've not the film, I recommend you stop reading this right now and check out a trailer. Bikinis, hunks, and ridiculous flesh-eating CGI fish? What's not to like?

• Resident Evil: Afterlife 3D - I'm not sure how it's passed me by, but apparently Resident Evil is some kind of super-franchise that rivals Harry Potter in box office terms. Harry Potter has a speccy twat with a wand. Resident Evil has Mila Jovovich and guns. Winner.

• My Bloody Valentine 3D - Laura and I actually watched this at the cinema when it came out. And, even more shamefully, I watched it at the cinema again with Famous Jon. So, technically speaking, if we're measuring according to Cinema Views, this is my favourite movie of all time. Thankfully we're not. It's fucking shit. But it's funny too, because it's so bad.

• The Final Destination 3D - Laura loves the Final Destination franchise. She owns a box set, entitled "The Final Destination Quadrilogy". Quadrilogy shouldn't be a real word, but DVD box sets have created a niche for it, so whatever. Anyhow, these films are quite literally appalling. The plot, which is recycled in every instalment, is that "Death" is owed some paydirt after a bunch of moderately attractive teenagers escape his clutches at a fairground/a race track/another fairground/a knife factory. Laura will be in raptures. I'll be asleep.